Почему женщины бросают мужчин — даже тех, кого продолжают любить

Я – Джастин Шанфарбер, и я брачный консультант. Я работаю с мужчинами и женщинами, которые заблудились в браке. И хотя проблемы обычно у всех кажутся разными, мужчины должны знать, что если проблема в них, то обычно она одна и та же.

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И по этой причине их бросают жены.

Они чувствуют себя ужасно при этом. Их сердце разрывается. Но они это делают. Они собирают в кулак все свое мужество и все свои силы. И оставляют мужчин, с которыми у них есть общие дети, дома и жизни. Почти всегда это происходит по одной-единственной причине. И я хочу чтобы мужчины это хорошенько усвоили.

Женщины уходят, потому что их мужчины больше нет!

Не в том смысле, что их нет вообще. Просто они не присутствуют в их жизни.

Они работают. Играют в гольф или компьютерные игры. Смотрят телевизор. Ездят на рыбалку… Этот список можно продолжать долго. Мужчины, о которых мы говорим, не плохие люди. Они хорошие люди. Они хорошие отцы. Они поддерживают свою семью. Они приятны, симпатичны. Но они принимают своих жен как должное. Они ими интересуются. Их жен нет в их жизни, хотя внешне все обычно выглядит иначе.

Одна женщина хорошо это выразила в моем кабинете:

«Кто должен придти вечером домой и поддержать меня эмоционально. Но этот человек — не мой муж. Моему мужу плевать на меня даже когда я плачу».

Послушайте. Я не собираюсь тут никого осуждать. Я не собираюсь говорить вам, что правильно, а что — нет. Я расскажу вам только о том, что вижу каждый день. Вы можете гневаться или возмущаться.

Ваша жена не является вашей собственностью. Она не обязана любить вас всей душой. Эту любовь нужно зарабатывать. День за днем, момент за моментом. Точно так же, как вы зарабатываете деньги. Вы должны завоевать ее — не деньгами или социальным статусом, а своим вниманием. Она должна чувствовать, что вам не все равно. Она должна знать, что ее слова и переживания имеют значение для вас. Она должна знать, что вы ее слушаете.

Не кивайте вежливо и отстраненно, когда она что-то вам рассказывает. Не успокаивайте ее монотонным «все будет хорошо». Не играйте роль адвоката дьявола.

Она хочет, чтобы вы чувствовали ее. Она не хочет, чтобы рядом с ней вы всегда были рассеянным аппаратом для быстрого секса. Она хочет, чтобы вы испытывали страсть не только к рыбалке, но и к ней. Ваш брак жив до тех пор, пока вы оба испытываете страсть. Вы уверены, что еще не потухли? А если вы потеряли это свое качество, то почему? Куда оно делось? Выясните это. Или найдите эту страсть снова. И не оправдывайтесь неспокойными временами. Все и всегда живут в неспокойное время.

Ели вы думаете, что действительно присутствуете в разговоре, попробуйте выслушать ее. По-настоящему выслушать. Не гоняйте посторонние мысли, пока она эмоционально рассказывает вам о своих проблемах. Смотрите ей в глаза. Удерживайте этот взгляд. Только так будет комфортно и ей, и вам. Если она спрашивает о чем-то, ответьте по-настоящему, а не просто отмахнитесь. Вникайте в суть того, что она говорит.

Попробуйте получше узнать ее. Поверьте, даже спустя много лет совместной жизни у нее есть то, что можно исследовать каждый день.

Общайтесь с ней с полным вниманием. Если вы берете ее за руку, обратите внимание на свои ощущения в руке. Обратите внимание на то, что происходит в тот момент, когда вы трогаете или обнимаете друг друга.

Что происходит в вашем теле? Что вы чувствуете? Обратите внимание на свои самые тонкие ощущения и эмоции. (Иногда это называют осознанностью). Поделитесь с ней своими впечатлениями.

Но вы, конечно, слишком заняты для этого. У вас нет на это времени.

Но как насчет пяти минут?

Пяти минут каждый день. Вы в состоянии их найти? Я не говорю о том, что этого должно хватить на приготовление экстравагантного ужина. Я говорю о том, что каждый мужчина может найти пять минут в сутках, чтобы посвятить их все полностью, без остатка, своей женщине.

Будете ли вы делать это? Бьюсь об заклад, сразу после того, как вы попробуете, вы почувствуете то, что уже давно не чувствовали. Возможно, вы даже почувствуете совершенно новый вкус жизни. И вас уже будет не остановить.

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230 thoughts on “Почему женщины бросают мужчин — даже тех, кого продолжают любить

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  79. I am going to equipment this evaluation towards Two models of people today: latest Zune householders who are thinking of an upgrade, and persons attempting toward decide involving a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players value taking into consideration out there, such as the Sony Walkman X, however I expect this presents you adequate details to crank out an mindful selection of the Zune vs avid gamers other than the iPod line as very well.)

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  89. This is turning out to be a bit extra subjective, but I considerably choose the Zune Market place. The interface is colourful, contains extra flair, and some cool functions including ‘Mixview’ that make it possible for yourself out of the blue check out related albums, music, or other buyers related toward what you might be listening in the direction of. Clicking on a person of all those will center on that product or service, and a further set of «neighbors» will arrive into watch, making it possible for yourself towards navigate near exploring by comparable artists, new music, or end users. Chatting of users, the Zune «Social» is far too best pleasurable, letting yourself come across some others with shared choices and becoming pals with them. Yourself then can hear towards a playlist crafted primarily based on an amalgamation of what all your close friends are listening in direction of, which is also thrilling. These worried with privacy will be relieved toward know yourself can stay away from the public versus observing your individual listening patterns if oneself therefore opt for.

  90. If you might be nonetheless on the fence: grab your beloved earphones, intellect down in direction of a Excellent Obtain and question to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and perspective which one particular sounds greater towards you, and which interface can make you smile a lot more. Then you can expect to know which is specifically for oneself.

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  92. I’ll tools this examine to 2 models of These: present Zune house owners who are thinking about an update, and human beings making an attempt in direction of make a decision concerning a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players value considering out there, which include the Sony Walkman X, yet I hope this offers oneself sufficient facts towards create an mindful choice of the Zune vs avid gamers other than the iPod line as nicely.)

  93. The contemporary Zune browser is surprisingly good, yet not as Great as the iPod’s. It will work properly, nevertheless isn’t really as instantaneous as Safari, and includes a clunkier interface. If oneself from time to time plan on using the world wide web browser that’s not an issue, nonetheless if you might be planning towards read the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s greater display and greater browser may possibly be major.

  94. If you might be nonetheless on the fence: grab your preferred earphones, intellect down toward a Simplest Buy and ask toward plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which 1 appears superior toward yourself, and which interface would make yourself smile further more. Then you may notice which is straight for your self.

  95. If you’re nonetheless upon the fence: grab your most loved earphones, mind down to a Least complicated Buy and check with in the direction of plug them into a Zune then an iPod and check out which one seems superior towards by yourself, and which interface tends to make yourself smile further. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

  96. Apple at this time includes Rhapsody as an application, which is a Good start off, but it is at this time hampered by means of the inability toward shop domestically upon your iPod, and is made up of a dismal 64kbps little bit price. If this alterations, then it will considerably negate this usefulness for the Zune, yet the Ten new music per thirty day period will continue to be a big plus inside Zune Pass’ like.

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