Главные Угрозы Счастливому Браку

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Самые главные угрозы счастливому браку — это не споры по поводу денег и неверность, как принято считать.

Мы собрали мнения опытных семейных психологов о вещах, тихо и незаметно подтачивающих вполне себе благополучные браки. Читайте и делайте наоборот.

Супругам очень важно проводить время друг с другом, но не отказывайтесь встречаться с друзьями ради еще одного вечера с настольными играми и сериалами. Один-единственный человек просто не сможет удовлетворить все наши социальные потребности. И если вы иногда идете на девичник или веселитесь с друзьями на рок-концерте — это замечательно. Это значит, что вы даете друг другу немного свободного пространства. И это делает ваши отношения только лучше, говорит психолог из Пасадены Райан Хоус (США).
«Для пары очень важно строить и поддерживать устойчивые отношения с другими людьми», — объясняет он. — Дружба позволяет нам расширить свой жизненный опыт за счет историй других людей и получить поддержку, которая реально может положительно повлиять на супружеские отношения. Всем и каждому нужны близкие друзья, которым можно доверять».

Если вы редко прикасаетесь друг к другу просто так, возможно, вы достигли той стадии в отношениях, когда занимаетесь любовью только по особым случаям. Да-да, как ни забавно это звучит — только в отпуске, на день рождения или в годовщину брака. «Поздравляю, ваша пара — на опасной дорожке, ведущей к бесполому браку», — предупреждает доктор Дебра Кэмпбелл, семейный психолог из Мельбурна (Австралия).
«Никто не говорит о ежедневных безумствах страсти — это редко бывает в браке, который продолжается уже не первый год. Но мы должны напоминать своей второй половине, что она по-прежнему желанна и привлекательна», — объясняет она.

Женатым людям важно иметь друзей, но опасно дружить с кем попало. Если в вашем окружении есть семейные пары, которые ведут себя «неправильно» — изменяют, лгут друг другу, их поведение способно повлиять на ваши взаимоотношения с мужем/женой, даже если вы этого не осознаете.
«Если ваша близкая подруга постоянно жалуется на мужа или заводит романы за его спиной, ее действия неминуемо окажут отравляющее влияние и на ваше отношение к браку, размоют границы допустимого и для вас, пусть хотя бы в мыслях», — говорит психотерапевт Лора Хек, основательница курсов семейной онлайн-терапии «forBetter» («К лучшему»).
И наоборот — если вас окружают пары, которые сумели выстроить доверительные, теплые и здоровые отношения, их пример вам только поможет.

Когда один из супругов (что душой кривить, чаще, конечно, жена) в одиночку драит квартиру и отстаивает после работы вторую смену на кухне, это порождает обиды и портит отношения. Ученые из Университета Альберты выяснили, что пары, в которых все домашние дела лежат на плечах только одного из супругов, реже занимаются сексом, чем те, которые делят бытовые хлопоты по справедливости.
Вопрос «А кто будет убираться?» никогда не становится предметом для ссоры в начале отношений, но через несколько лет он способен серьезно попортить кровь мужу и жене. «Важно не то грязнуля вы или чистюля, важно другое — насколько чистюля терпелив, а грязнуля готов убирать за собой. Обиды могут копиться исподволь и очень долго, и очень важно, чтобы вы сумели договориться между собой», — говорит Райан Хоус.

Вдумчивые, серьезные разговоры — не просто «Как прошел день, дорогой?» или «Чем в выходные займемся?» — очень важны для построения прочных и теплых отношений, утверждает психолог Лиз Хиггинс, которая работает в основном с молодыми парами.
Вам нужно заранее выбрать день и время, а затем сесть и поговорить о ваших отношениях. Задайте друг другу такие вопросы: «Что мы сегодня сделали для того, чтобы еще лучше понимать друг друга?», «Какой вклад я лично внес в наши отношения?», «Я что-то могу для тебя сделать?», «В какой момент ты почувствовал, что я больше всего тебя люблю?».
Сначала вам будет неловко задавать такие странные вопросы, говорит Лиз. Но потом вы почувствуете, что это помогает преодолеть обиды, раздражение и отчуждение. Заведите полезную привычку разговаривать о своих отношениях раз в неделю.

«Синдром соседей» — тихий убийца брака. Это когда муж с женой чувствуют, что живут параллельными жизнями и их объединяет только общая квартира, счета и дети. «Если вы попали в такую ловушку, вам срочно нужно найти что-то, что вернет энергию и страсть в отношения», — говорит Лора Хек.
Обязательно найдите общее дело, которое нравится вам обоим — затевайте перепланировку квартиры, разучивайте песни дуэтом, начните кататься на велосипедах и вместе исследуйте окрестности города, — это может быть все что угодно, главное, чтобы вам двоим было интересно этим заниматься.

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142 thoughts on “Главные Угрозы Счастливому Браку

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